A TRANSFORMATIVE YEAR: A JOURNEY TOWARDS UNCONDITIONAL SELF-LOVE

A TRANSFORMATIVE YEAR: A JOURNEY TOWARDS UNCONDITIONAL SELF-LOVE

My last two blog posts were straight from my intuitive consciousness. I had not yet read the beautiful words of Marianne Williamson, Brené Brown, Matt Kahn or any other spiritual leaders. I had absorbed the guidance from my enlightened friends and teachers but the “knowing” that I had was mostly intuitive, which goes to show that it is a beautiful understanding that lies within each of us. All we have to do is allow ourselves to know it. The all too common fear in the back of my mind said, “who am I to say these words. Who am I to share this with others?” What I realized is that it is not a position of authority from which I communicate, but authenticity, from love. None of what I am saying has not already been said, but that is the exciting part, that this kind of “knowing” lies within each of us and sometimes it is the simplest thing that we read, hear or see that begins to uncover it. The sharing of universal truths has the power to create incredible shifts within others. Have you ever heard or read something that rang so true that your heart began to flutter. A truth that you know, on some level, you have always known. That is the “knowing” I speak of. As much of a cathartic process as these blog posts have been for me, if they help even one person to uncover their “knowing”, to begin to see their true selves and start to heal their own layers, than my heart is full.

For me, this was a year of exploring the roots within. Not the stories or safe surface level answers that we tell ourselves but the layers underneath the layers. For the past 3 years my New Year’s resolution, or as I like to call it, my commitment to myself, has been to be the healthiest version of myself, mind, body and soul. I didn’t realize until almost the end of this year that that was a rather large feat and was more like a lifelong commitment and journey. I also realized that I had naturally and unconsciously focused on one aspect at a time. Last year was very clearly, soul. I have done more inner work this past year than the total of my life this far. Once I made that intention, once I started down a conscious path, a healing and self-reflective path, the ball started rolling and has never stopped. One naturally flows into the other, tied together like strings of a web. Mind, body and soul comprise the word holistic. They create one whole being. If our intention and commitment is to give that being it’s best life, our best life, then the flow begins and all you have to do is allow, stay present and most of all start to learn how to love yourself. Love the darkness, the imperfections; even the layers of conditioning and eventually, you begin to see beneath those layers.

The deepest layers are not just the roots but the seeds. They are the deep emotion at the very core that answers all of the other questions. Many people have asked me, “How do I get to the deeper layers? I don’t even know where or how to begin.” I’ve found that the best way to start is by ask yourself in every challenging situation with every uncomfortable feeling, “what within ME has created this situation, that lets this situation affect me. What are these feelings trying to tell me” rather than blaming or judging someone else. How do we know when we have gotten to the seed? It is usually a very simply concept or answer and it never has anything to do with anyone else. For we all know, the only thing we can truly control/ change is ourselves, our own consciousness, our own perspective. That is how we grow, evolve and become our best self. By seeing the beauty and lesson in EVERYTHING and by doing it all with love. Ask yourself kindly, without judgment or criticism, “What within me can I bring to the light?”

As we begin to look at our own “stuff”, and we ALL have “stuff”, it may feel really scary, overwhelming or difficult, but as you start peeling back layers, the lightness and joy, the understanding and true “seeing” of ourselves makes you want to do it again, and again. To uncover your true authentic self and get rid of whatever is not serving you. It’s a beautiful unraveling of who we thought we were, to reveal who we really are. And who doesn’t love a good treasure hunt?

One of my greatest treasures this year was uncovering my perfectionism. Acknowledging that tendency, allowed for a conscious observation of it on a daily basis. I used to take everything personally and could never take criticism. I hated the thought of being wrong, of someone being upset with me or disliking me. My self worth was completely tied to my perfectionism. After reading Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements, I saw the beauty in not taking anything personally, because someone else’s actions and words are simply a projection of their own reality and have nothing to do with me. And two, my perfectionist mentality was just a shield I used to avoid pain, judgment and blame. A shield that was actually keeping me from stepping wholeheartedly into my authentic self.

Brene Brown says, “To overcome perfectionism, we need to be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities to the universal experiences of shame, judgment, and blame; develop shame resilience; and practice self-compassion.” Consciously working on my perfectionism has helped me to begin to communicate with love, appreciate the lessons in everything (most especially the challenging moments), accept with gratitude other’s insight even if it is difficult to hear, release my pride and ask for help when I need it, forgive myself if everything doesn’t go exactly how I had planned it and sometimes… letting go of the plan all together. In order to do all of these things, I had to cultivate self-love in a way I had never understood before. To be kind, compassionate, patient, and understanding with myself. To choose everyday to listen to my body, my mind and my inner wisdom rather than bulldoze my way through life, moving from one task to the next, neglecting to truly care for myself. A beautiful yoga instructor and spiritual mentor raised this interesting question in class the other day. Why is it that every time we think about positive words like kindness, compassion, or tenderness they are almost always tided to the concept of “other” but rarely “self”.

How you love yourself, allows others to love you in the same way. The age old saying, “treat others the way you wish to be treated”, well, that goes for the relationship with yourself as well. Treat yourself, the way you wish to be treated. There is no more important task in this life, than learning to love yourself, for you are your reality.

For some perfectionists the whole “only able to change ourselves” thing can feel really scary, but if we choose to look at it in a positive light hey… At least we can control the most important thing. Marianne Williamson says, “a miracle is simply a change in perspective” how amazing is that! If we choose for our reality, our perspective to be of a happy, fulfilled, balanced life, so it will be.

Our reality is uniquely and individually chosen. Our perception, our choices, our actions and emotions all combine to create what we see as reality. And the beauty of that reality is that it is as wonderfully malleable as our bodies. Cultivating a healthy reality, a healthy body, a healthy life is one of the greatest gifts of being human. Understanding health in a holistic manner, means understanding that the health of our body, is undeniable connected to the health of our mind and soul and vice versa. One affects the others and they all affect the whole. The easiest and most common example is stress. Stress affects our thoughts, our emotions and our body and therefore affects us as a whole. Looking at your own health holistically can help you tune into what your being is trying to tell you. A physical ailment can often times be your body trying to alert you to something else within you that is not in balance. Understanding the roots within is being consciously aware of our whole health, our whole being.

The power of the universe lies within you. The possibilities, the ability for change and the creation of a life you thought could only be a dream is all within your power and you don’t have to do it alone. I realized this year that connections are what make life so sweet. Seeking support is not a sign of weakness but a sign of higher intelligence and self-awareness. If you are ready for the journey of a lifetime and you would like someone to support you throughout that journey, I would be honored. My journey has lead me to the next addition and chapter of my professional life, holistic life coaching. I am so extremely passionate about assisting others in exploring their truest selves and creating the life they truly want. The only responsibility we have is to live our best life, to love and act in our greatest good. And that greatest good is completely in alignment with our greatest love, joy, connectedness, fulfillment and Power. It would be my genuine honor to support you in the creation of your dream life.

I will leave you with one last goodie – a goodie that created an enormous shift within me. As my dear friend Nola said to me one year ago…

“You are the one you have always been waiting for”

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